The holiday season is called “the most wonderful time of the year” by many people. It is a time for family, festivities, and generosity. However—and far more importantly—the holiday season is also a time for eating and drinking, especially foods and drinks loaded with sugar!
Holiday fashion differs from person to person. But I have proof that holiday fashions have a very STRONG correlation with people's favorite holiday diabetes-inducing causes—oh sorry, I meant “sweets!”
Find your favorite drink below and read what it reveals about your holiday fashion sense. Then, to pair with your favorite holiday beverage, read about your favorite holiday dessert!
Hot Cocoa
This iconic winter drink is probably the most popular throughout the holiday season. Many drink this delicious chocolate beverage during cold months to warm up and get into the holiday spirit. Those who find hot chocolate to be their favorite holiday drink probably also have a matching shirt to go with it, one that might say something like, “just a girl who loves hot chocolate” or “I’m in love with hot cocoa.” However, remember to pair such attire with your giant puffer jacket, which is preferably from Lands’ End. Although, those who love hot cocoa always need to have gloves on hand, because when they are not drinking their favorite hot drink, how can they keep their hands warm?!
Eggnog
If eggnog is your favorite holiday drink you probably only drink it once or twice a year, just like you only wear each of your ugly Christmas sweaters once a year. You are also everyone’s favorite “weird uncle” who is known for Christmas sweaters because that is all you will ever wear for Christmas Day. You likely have an unsightly sweater for each of the 24 days leading up to Christmas.
Peppermint Mocha
Technically this is a drink signature to Starbucks, but just like every Starbucks seasonal drink, the peppermint mocha eventually made its way to Dunkin stores, through a process similar to how it eventually made its way into people’s lives and favorite holiday menus. Those who call peppermint mochas their favorite holiday beverage are always cold and wearing a heavy jacket. No one ever knows what the person wears underneath his or her jacket. To match the “cold aesthetic,” those who love peppermint mochas own at least two pairs of Uggs, and are never-not wearing them during winter months. To complete this look, a beanie hat is required, or a knitted hat with a pompom on top.
Apple Cider
If apple cider is your favorite drink, you are probably a dad. (I feel like that is enough said, but I need to reach a word limit, so I will write about the description of a typical “dad”). Dads tend to wear Timberlands, or boots that look similar to Timberlands—a knock-off brand, or even the boots Timberlands were inspired by, since their shoes are so old. What pairs better with Timberlands (with holes in the bottoms) than a flannel and a pair of jeans? Even though dads may wonder why some jeans are bought with holes in them (“Those are your jeans? Where’s the rest of them?”), those who prefer apple cider over all holiday drinks most likely wear “work jeans” with holes, because they refuse to buy new ones, even after twenty years.
Dunkin Holiday Blend
It would be rude for me to not mention Dunkin’s annual Holiday Blend. Even though their selection changes year to year, the people who drink them do not. If you like Dunkin’s holiday blends, you don’t get any milk or sugar in your coffee. Those who ONLY drink black coffee are a different breed. These people are old, whether in age or just spirit and style. Just like you haven’t quite yet realized that creamy coffee is delicious, you also haven’t realized that this is no longer the 80s, and no one would mind if you changed up your wardrobe—if you catch my drift. I promise that you weren’t “born in the wrong generation,” as you so often claim, and that, no, you wouldn’t have been “just like the Stranger Things kids” if you had been alive then. Though you harbor a strongly negative opinion of wearing leg warmers as opposed to Lululemon leggings, your affinity for black coffee does not make you superior to those who like sugary drinks.
Starbucks Sugar Cookie Latte
The person who likes a classic (should I really be saying classic?) sugar cookie latte only wears layers and never wears a jacket. Those layers are probably matched with a pair of converse. This person never knows what to wear, just like such a person never knows what to order from Starbucks (the only place you can get a sugar cookie latte, unless you count the Dunkin “cookie latte”). Because he or she never knows what to wear, or order, such a person must have a go-to: the sugar cookie latte. Such an individual probably also wears the same thing over and over, and over again. Also, this individual never gets whole milk in his or her sugar cookie lattes—this is irrelevant to fashion, but very relevant for Starbucks baristas.
Sugar Cookies
If sugar cookies are your favorite holiday dessert, you are most likely under the age of ten, and your taste buds are not yet fully developed. Because you are so young, you probably have candy-cane-striped leggings from Justice or Abercrombie that you constantly wear throughout the month of December. On days when you don’t wear your Christmas leggings, you opt for a sweater three times your size, or a sweatshirt (preferably from a bar or bat mitzvah) with a pair of black leggings or skinny jeans.
Gingerbread
Those who love the delicious, spice-filled flavor of gingerbread, don’t just like gingerbread cookies, but also love gingerbread cupcakes, drinks, loaves, and more! Unsurprisingly, these people are so invested in Christmas and coziness that, throughout the whole month of December, they exclusively wear Christmas pajamas. Like those who have a huge collection of ugly Christmas sweaters, these people likely have an unbelievable number of Christmas pajamas—enough so they can wear pajamas to sleep, and then a different pair during the day, without ever repeating outfits.
Pecan Pie
If you love pecan pie, you don’t get cold and are loyal to your jeans. What goes better with jeans than t-shirts? People who love pecan pie and look forward to eating it during the holidays probably still wear t-shirts in January. Because they don’t want to look weird, they wear a vest over their clothes, or a long-sleeve garment underneath.
However, some pecan-pie-lovers have grandma fashion instead. If you’re one of these people, you love wearing “grandma sweaters” during the winter and always have small gold hoops in their ears. Or, another option is that you are simply a grandma.
And one other note: some consider pumpkin or apple pie to be holiday desserts, but any sane person knows that they are fall desserts. If you like apple or pumpkin pie, you should have read articles from the last Campus issue.
Babka
If babka is your favorite holiday dessert, you probably celebrate Hanukkah, not Christmas. Those who love babka also dress in “grandma-like” fashion.
Pudding
Pudding around the holidays is usually not your typical chocolate or vanilla pudding. It is filled with different fruits (not the good ones) and nuts, is spongy, and is in the shape of a dome. Regardless of what the pudding is filled with, it is still pudding, so it is still a food you do not have to chew. If your favorite holiday dessert is pudding, you’re likely quite old and lack a significant number of teeth. Therefore, you wear warm sweaters, long puffy winter coats with faux fur, long gloves, thick scarves, and beige pants.
Yule log
If the yule log is your favorite holiday dessert, you definitely only eat it on Christmas. Still, it is probably the one thing you look forward to, even though you don’t like to admit it. The illusion you like to give off is that you are only at Christmas dinner to show off how amazing and rich you are. You most likely show up to Christmas in sweats worth more than your parent’s house and a lot of gold jewelry. You would have dressed up more, but Christmas isn’t a fancy enough occasion compared to all the galas you attend, and you don't want to ruin your super fancy clothing when you devour your yule log (because it will just be you eating it, since only you like it).
Struffoli/Panettone
Struffoli and panettone are both Italian desserts, typically made and served around Christmas time. Making struffoli is a family tradition, and Panettone is always a staple at the dinner table. That said, if panettone or struffoli is your favorite dessert, you are Italian, and that is not up for debate. This means that you only wear aprons in December, because you are constantly cooking and baking for your giant family. You are either a nonna or a mom.
Alternatively, you are the type of person who loves to dress in sweats during the winter, but when Christmas Day (or, more accurately, Christmas Eve) rolls around, you are ready to whip out your Gucci belt and mini skirt.
But, keep in mind that those who love panettone have no taste buds, and also probably like fruit cake (because panettone is Italian fruit cake). This means you are quite possibly old—refer to the Dunkin holiday blend paragraph for more details.
Oreo truffles or Peppermint bark
If peppermint bark and/or oreo truffles are your favorite holiday desserts, you probably make them yourself each December. What you look forward to most in the holiday season is bringing them to your family dinner so everyone can praise your excellent cooking skills, even though you didn’t actually cook anything. Those who love oreo truffles and peppermint bark only wear skinny jeans or leggings during the winter, with tall boots, usually Uggs, a wool scarf/shawl, and a wool hat to match with a pompom on top.
Don’t sweat it if you feel that your favorite dessert or drink during the holidays does not accurately represent your fashion. Fashion and sweets likely possess little if any correlation – or at least, not a strong one. Simply enjoy the festive season while it lasts!