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  • Le Wang & Hana Middleton

Janurary Advice Column

I don't like Valentine’s day. It’s not really my thing. It’s annoying that everyone gets so excited over it! How do I cope with my hatred of Valentine’s Day?

There’s no way you can truly avoid Valentine’s Day without renting a secluded cabin in the woods for a month. The lovey-dovey couples, the ones that make their business everyone’s business and give you the most intense second-hand embarrassment you’ll feel all year* are lurking around every corner. But, as we always say, there’s a positive side to any situation! Look on the bright side: after Valentine’s Day, all the chocolate goes on sale! And then you can cry about being single while comforting yourself with all the chocolate you want!

*You guys know who you are. And if you think you’re being discreet, please think again

I hate waking up in the mornings; it’s always cold when I take off my blankets, and I’m always tired! I keep sleeping in, and I keep being late to school. I’m scared I’m going to miss my math class! How do I wake up faster?

Efficiency is key! First, record yourself screaming the math equations you need to learn and set it as your alarm clock. Now every morning you’ll wake up to math equations being yelled into your ear. Can’t get much worse than that, can you? Not only will you wake up right away, but your adrenaline will be pumping first thing in the morning, warming your body! You will benefit from your new-found punctuality and tighter grasp of math!

Lunar New Year is coming up! My family always gives me money, but I never know what to spend it on! Any ideas?

If you have extra money, you could always give us some :)

*Note: Hana needs SF9 albums, so if you could spare some change, it would be greatly appreciated!

I feel as though I haven’t been able to show my family how much I appreciate them this year, and with Lunar New Year around the corner, I want to do something considerate for them. Any Ideas?

If you really want to show your gratitude to your family, you can shell out a couple million for an ad on the Super Bowl! Note that you only have 30 seconds, so use them wisely.

You can play a beautiful slideshow of all your favorite family moments in 2021! You know, like that time your little baby cousin pulled out your brother's hair while he was playing Mario Kart. Or that time your sister stepped on a bee. And don’t forget that one time the dog spilled your iced tea all over the Rug That You Can’t Touch Or Else Mom Will Yell At You™. What a great way to show appreciation and love!

I’m loving all of the snow we’ve been getting, but I hate how bright everything is now! My eyes are pretty sensitive to light, and I don’t own sunglasses! What’s the best way to protect my eyes?

Here‘s a fun, fashionable, and sustainable way to protect your eyes!

  1. Find a plastic soda bottle and make sure it’s tinted. If you like green, find a Sprite bottle.

  2. Wash it and make sure it’s clean; you don’t want any eye infections!

  3. Cut out long trapezoids from the side of the plastics bottle,

  4. Take some wire and hot glue them together,

  5. And voilà! A sustainable, stylish, and cheap way to obtain a new pair of sunglasses.


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