In a completely sound decision, in light of the already-outstandingly-sleep-deprived student
body, the EHS administration has extended the school day to start at 8:25 and end at 3:07.
These new ten minutes result in an extra minute in transition periods between classes—a change unanimously supported by students and teachers. Since this additional minute is such a blessing from the administration (which of course is why it’s worth the extra ten minutes of school), you may be wondering how to make your newfound sixty-seconds-of-freedom worthwhile. We all know that Edgemont students have way too much free time on their hands, so I address this article to you, the EHS student body, to aid you in exploring the medley of the tasks you can undertake with the new minute in transition periods.
Take a brief walk into the woods to one of the ponds outside campus. Sure, the pond-color looks like something you’d find under the bleachers after homecoming, and sure, you’ll almost certainly get poison ivy on the round trip. But, if you’re lucky, you’ll run into an APES class taking a unit exam in the form of a scavenger hunt!
Get your lunch delivered two feet off Edgemont property to Burger King or patio.com, since you can’t order food directly to the school anymore.
Ask Mr. Weitzman about his motivational posters on the way to an A-building class (warning: you’ll likely be late for said class).
Sneak into the teacher’s lounge and steal some popcorn.
Take that popcorn into the library and enjoy watching APUSH kids in a state of hyperventilation. To your left, a student panics as she realizes after turning in her essay that she indented one line of her Works Cited page to 0.56 instead of 0.50. To your right, another student is experiencing an aneurysm because he broke the library stapler trying to staple all 34 pages of his paper together, thus ripping the corners of his pages. Legend has it someone broke her leg running to the A-building and still delivered her APUSH paper on time, so look out for that as well!
Get Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in between periods without worrying about being late for class. Have no fear, though; even with the extra minute, seniors will still show up to class extremely fashionably late! Just be sure to duck so you don’t get hit by their swinging keys.
Spend an extra minute banging on the D-building door until Ms. Fischer lets you in.
Sneak into an empty classroom to squeeze in a little extra work, since the cafeteria and library (a.k.a. the cafeteria 2.0) are packed.
Stay in Latin class for one extra minute as Mr. Hansonbrook tries desperately to connect the forgotten line of translation to his prior fifteen-minute-long tangent.
Take your mental breakdowns like a champ! Four minutes was hardly enough time for one, but five minutes is sufficient for both a breakdown and a complete recovery. No more coming to class late because you were wiping your tears in the bathroom—talk about maximizing your efforts and time!
With the extra minute before and after your lunch period, you’ll have two whole extra minutes to eat lunch. Take this opportunity to go out for lunch at one of the many (two) decent restaurants on Central Park Avenue. This tip isn’t really optional—there’s not enough time to buy from the lunch-line and also find a place to eat in the cafeteria in a single period, now that half the school eats the same time as you. If you don’t have a car, make a friend who does!
Be one less minute late, but still ten minutes late, to gym class.
Continue to ignore your locker—yes, we really do have lockers!—even though there might actually be enough time between periods to use it now. For old time’s sake, you know?
Take a walk through the D-building and trample a couple extra seventh-graders —especially ones who walk in a horizontal line with their friends so no one can pass them in the hallway. Consider taking up a philanthropic lifestyle and donating some deodorant, too.
Pop in for a quick calculus lesson from A.J. Kumar, who will probably teach it better than a Harvard professor.
Speaking of calculus, if you’re brave enough (and you really have to be brave), rummage through the tumbleweeds in the C-building to look for a math teacher who’s taught at Edgemont for over a month.
Actually…on second thought, that last one might take more than one extra minute.