A Completely Factual, True, and Honest Review of Edgemont’s Cross Country Team
As Captain of the Cross Country team, I have sad news to admit. I have been blackmailed into participating in a massive cover-up scheme. In order to break my silence on this highly polarizing issue, I have decided it is my duty to educate readers on what really happens on the Cross-Country team. Here, I have disproved a few of the most popular and widely spread myths I have heard about the team.
Myth 1: There are only five girls on the team.
This is a very popular myth, and it is very believable given the visible lack of girls during practices. Many times, when students walk by the team which warms up on the breezeways, I have heard exclamations of surprise when only three girls are seen stretching, while there are over 30 boys also warming up. However, this is all a simple mix-up of the facts. In reality, there are just as many girls as boys on the team, but some get very into the Halloween spirit and become invisible for the entire fall sports season.
Myth 2: The team, to put it bluntly, sucks.
This again, is very understandable, because we appear to either place last in every meeting, or not place at all. However, this can be explained very easily. Because of the bus shortage this year, Edgemont has not been able to make it to any meets, including our home meets. Instead, Scarsdale sends their worst runners to the meets to impersonate Edgemont. These Scarsdale runners wear Edgemont uniforms and purposely sabotage our team, even though we are not in the same league, so Scarsdale does not gain anything by making Edgemont look less competitive. If only we had the proper bussing capacity, we would easily win every meet, but unfortunately, the best we can do is allow sabotage by Scarsdale runners.
Myth 3: We only do cross country to sign out of Gym.
There are many other reasons the Cross-Country team has such an eager roster of people who love running. However, Mr. De Rosa made me sign an NDA (Non-disclosure Agreement) when I joined the team, so I can’t list any other reasons to participate in this wonderful sport. All I can say is that I “pinky promise” there are other reasons.
Myth 4: We have no cross-country team spirit.
This is a blatant lie. I have never seen a prouder and more spirited team. Because no one is embarrassed to be on the prestigious cross-country team, every member of the team wears short shorts to school, although now that the weather is colder we sadly are forced to hide this fact by wearing the shorts under our clothes.
Myth 5: We walk during practice.
I am truly saddened to believe that some people believe that as proud members of the cross-country team, we would do something so sinful as to walk during practice. From 4-6pm every Monday-Friday, the team spends every minute of practice running, or at least some form of a light jog. In the words of the noble Dwayne the Rock Johnson, “It’s about drive, it’s about power, we stay humble, we devour, put in the work, put in the hours and take what’s ours.” As greatly accomplished runners, we stay on the cross-country grind all throughout practice, and we would never, ever, ever, stop for a water break, or just stop to stretch our legs, especially during a workout.
“It’s about drive, it’s about power, we stay humble, we devour, put in the work, put in the hours and take what’s ours.”
I have also heard some rumors that we don’t take campus runs seriously, and some sources tell me it is widely believed that we spend recovery runs at the Greenburgh nature center’s playground, or that we play manhunt and other childish games on recovery days. I don’t know how such a rumor could be spread, but it is most definitely untrue.
These are just a few of the falsehoods that have been spread around Campus regarding Edgemont’s prestigious and highly respected Cross-Country teams. Of course, I don’t want to speculate or spread more rumors, but I have heard that these myths were started by the bowling team as a way to establish dominance among other Varsity sports.
In order to combat this spread of misinformation, please create as many Instagram pastel-color-themed infographics as possible about this topic. This slander against the Cross- Country team requires the next generation of performative activists to step up and advocate for freedom and equality for runners, so make sure to spread this information to other sources.